Controllling Conversation

Controlling the conversation

In this unit, you will learn different ways that people control and change a conversation. You will study what to do to change the subject politely, how to show the other person that you are listening and understanding, and how to get the other person to repeat or speak more slowly when speaking with you.

DIALOGUES       

Larry       : …The Highgate Mall? Hmm … Let me see … You know where the McDonald’s is on McKnight Road?

Mel          : No …

Larry       : Well, do you know where Ellesworth Lane is?

Mel          : Sorry. I’m from out of town

Larry       : OK. Tell you what you do … Go straight ahead here until you come to a big intersection. That’s Swallow Run. There’s a light there. Take a left at the light on Swallow Run, go about half a mile, and then there’s a kind of Y in the road, so you have to keep to the right. After that, take the first left you come to. That will be Ellsworth Lane, which takes you …

Mel          : I’m sorry, but I couldn’t quite follow you. Could you explain it again a little slower, please? I’d appreciate it.

Larry       : Sure. Sorry about that. Yeah, you take a left onto Swallow run. That’s the first light here on this road.

Mel          : OK

Larry       : And then about half a mile down the road there’s a Y in the road and you just keep to the right. Got that?

Mel          : keep to right. Yeah.

Larry       : then after that, take the first left onto Ellsworth Lane.

Mel          : Mm-hmm.

Larry       : And Ellsworth will take you to McKnight Road. There’s a light there. That’s where McDonald’s is. You can’t miss it.

Mel          : OK.

Larry       : So you turn right on McKnight and keep going and eventually you’ll see the mall on your left. OK?

Mel          : Yeah. And thanks a lot.

Larry       : Well, good luck!

Mel          : Thanks. Bye.

Larry       : bye.

mall: a shopping center with many stores under one roof

Controlling the conversation

You have probably heard conversation where someone says things like this: “…yeah...uh-huh…oh, really?...sure.” These expressions help control the conversation or guide the discussion. There are expressions that show attention, understanding, or agreement: others that show surprise; some that change the subject of the conversation; and others that get other person to repeat or slow down.

Showing attention, understanding, or agreement

Expressions such as “Yes” or “Mm-hmm” indicate to the other person that you are listening and that you want the speaker to continue to explain his or her ideas or opinions. Sometimes, these expressions also show that you agree with speaker. Their main function, however, is to show polite attention and to encourage the other person to continue talking.

Another important way of showing that you are listening is to use non-verbal behavior. For example, you usually look the speaker in the eye when listening, and this is a signal that you are paying attention. Nodding the head up and down shows attention, understanding, or agreement, or leaning forward in a chair shows that you are really interested in what is being said. This non-verbal behavior is usually combined words words, so that a person who is listening attentively will lean forward, nod, and say “Yes … Mm-hmm…”

Showing surprise

Expression such as “Really?,” “No kidding,” or “What?” indicate surprise, although they may also be used to show doubt or to disagree mildly with the other person. Here again, non-verbal behavior is also used. To show surprise, people often open their eyes wide, lift their eyebrows, or even (in great surprise) open their mouth.

Changing the subject

In controlling the conversation, you may want to change the subject, perhaps because you are tired of it or because you feel uncomfortable talking about it.

Friend      : …and you should see the radio I got! It’s got AM and FM, and four big speakers!

You         : Well, that’s very nice. Which reminds me, did you hear the results of the baseball game last night? The pirates couldn’t have lost again?!

Getting someone to repeat or slow down

It is normal for a person to misunderstand or not to hear the other person sometimes, so you should have no fear of asking someone to repeat or slow down. There are various ways of doing this, for instance: (direct) “Could you please repeat what you just said?” or (less direct) “I didn’t catch what you just said.”

Phrases

The phrases near the top of the list are generally more formal than the ones near the bottom.

SHOWING ATTENTION, UNDERSTANDING, OR AGREEMENT I see. Exactly. Yes. Right. Um-hmm. Yeah.	SHOWING SURPRISE Really? Oh no! WQhat? Oh my gosh!
CHANGING THE SUBJECT Which reminds me… Come to think of it,… By the way,..	GETTING SOMEONE TO REPEAT OR SLOW DOWN Would you mind repeating what you just said? Could you please repeat that? Would you say that again more slowly, please? What did you say? I didn’t catch that. Run that by me again. What?